Dear Mom,
Please stop asking me if I'm sexually attracted to my friend, Alyece. You've asked me several hundred times and the answer has always been "no" and will always be "no." Just because we hang out every Friday doesn't make us sexually attracted to each other and I really don't understand why you would even think so. This is why she doesn't like you. Just because she's bisexual you think that she's going to rub off on me and that I'm going to be bisexual. I'm not. I don't get why we can't just be close friends. We're close friends. That's all there is to it. There isn't some lesbian undertone in our friendship. Furthermore, you're being incredibly disrespectful to the both of us. You view homosexuality as a threat to our household because we're Christians and you just can't help but continually ask me if we're in love with each other. First it's the crap with being possessed by Cookie and now it's about being sexually attracted to my friend. I love Alyece as a friend not a girlfriend. Why you can't understand that, I cannot fathom.
What do I have to do for you to understand that I like males? PENIS, PENIS, COCK, BALLS, DICK. One day you're going to ask me if I'm in love with Alyece and there's going to be an assortment of erected penis drawings all over the refrigerator. <3 And I'm not joking, so stop fucking asking me if I'm a lesbo.
Kthxbai.